The Painful Side of Friendship

Friendship generally brings positive thoughts to our minds; but sometimes friendships can be the source of painful experiences.

I think of the friendship between David and Jonathan in 1 Sam 20:42, Jonathan said to David, "Go in peace, for we have sworn friendship with each other in the name of the LORD , saying, 'The LORD is witness between you and me, and between your descendants and my descendants forever.'" And yet we know that their friendship was later filled with painful choices because of decisions made by Jonathan’s father, King Saul. The king’s hatred of David drove him to pursue David’s death. Through those painful times, Jonathan and David remained faithful friends as they both learned to lean on their God.

In Psalm 109, David laments how the people he had befriended responded to him: “With words of hatred they surround me; they attack me without cause. In return for my friendship they accuse me, but I am a man of prayer. They repay me evil for good, and hatred for my friendship." NIV

Have you experienced this painful side of friendship? The question becomes, “How should I respond?” David responded in a godly way and continued to love and give even though the relationships were painful. And God said of David in Acts 13: 22: 'I have found David son of Jesse a man after my own heart; he will do everything I want him to do.' NIV In response to painful relationships, David modeled the behavior later observed in Jesus. We are asked to do the same today, as followers of Christ.

For God called you to do good, even if it means suffering, just as Christ suffered for you. He is your example, and you must follow in HIS steps. He never sinned, nor ever deceived anyone. He did not retaliate when He was insulted, nor threaten revenge when He suffered. He left his case in the hands of God, who always judges fairly. David did that and it brought him freedom in his heart in spite of the pain! We can do the same by God’s grace.

I have been reading “Don’t Waste the Pain” by David Lyons and Linda Lyons Richardson. One of the key passages they shared was 2 Corinthians 3: 17-4:7 “For the Lord is the Spirit, and wherever the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. So all of us who have had that veil removed can see and reflect the glory of the Lord. And the Lord—who is the Spirit—makes us more and more like him as we are changed into his glorious image. Therefore, since God in his mercy has given us this new way, we never give up. We reject all shameful deeds and underhanded methods. We don't try to trick anyone or distort the word of God."
You see, we don't go around preaching about ourselves. We preach that Jesus Christ is Lord, and we ourselves are your servants for Jesus' sake. For God, who said, "Let there be light in the darkness," has made this light shine in our hearts so we could know the glory of God that is seen in the face of Jesus Christ. We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves." NLT

These truths remind us that God has a purpose in our pain—to make us more like Him—and as we embrace the pain and allow Him to use it in our lives, to do this special work that only He can do; the pain will not be wasted. God has a purpose in the friendships He gives us and He has a purpose in the painful things that happen in those friendships. If they are true friendships we will follow David’s and Jonathan’s example and not abandon them when they are painful. And we will follow Jesus’ example and leave it all in the hands of God, who always judges fairly. He will use the pain in our lives to draw us closer in our friendship with Him.

Remember: don’t waste the pain!